Thursday, March 16, 2017

The Dead Boyfriend Post

Matt loved this photo from our Durango ride in June 2015. It's a fitting shot.

Let me just cut to the chase: In the very early hours of July 8, 2016, the world famous "BF" aka "The Boyfriend" passed away very unexpectedly from a heart condition no one would ever expect he had. He was 40 years old.

I will spare you the drama...of that night, that experience, and the 8 months that have passed since.

It's been a hell of an 8 months, folks.

I'm not sure what order to arrange my thoughts in-- I've been thinking about how this post would go for months. There are a lot of people who knew Matt, a lot of peole who read my blog, and everyone deals with death differently.

I can't help but feel some responsibility to beconsiderate of all that.

On the other hand, I also can't help but be all like, "yup, wanna say something different, get your own blog...don't like mine? Stop reading it."


First and foremost: I absolutely understand why people choose to get legally married when they decide to build a life together.

If you are living with someone, owning shit together and stuff-- get hitched. At the very least, make sure both names are on everything. Get a legally binding co-habitation agreement-- it's like a pre-nup for roommates.

Don't think for one goddamn minute that you have jack shit for rights as an un-married partner.

Never, ever, ever, ever fucking question why same-sex partners think they deserve the right to get legally married.

Because married makes a lot of this situation so much simpler.

Don't refuse to let someone take out a life insurance policy on you with one breath and finish that sentence with "I love you." You suck. Fuck you. If someone "loves" you and won't let you  have life insurance....leave 'em.

Not that I'm bitter.


I get to be bitter. I don't need permission to be angry. I've been aware of the stages of grief since I was a kid, I know it's "perfectly normal," thank you.

I really hate that so many people need to "allow" me to be angry. Or any other feeling I might have at any given time of any given day.

By the way-- I also get to laugh still, thank you. I get to still have great days. I get to be happy. Life does go on and I get to spend the rest of mine not hiding in the back of the closet crying.

So, now that your mouth tastes like you just drank orange juice after you brushed your teeth....

Standing on the edge of the world: Burr Trail, UT
I have no idea what happens next.

Stay Tuned.

I am 8 days from ending a 25 year career; packing up the basics of my life; selling, donating, or tossing a ton of crap that I don't need or want; and moving away.

It took a few months, but I eventually decided to take the bestie up on her standing off to rent me her tiny-house cottage in South Lake Tahoe.

I probably should have jumped at the opportunity immediately, but when you're world is spinning that fast, the first thing you want to do is just hang on to the floor until it slows down.

Once I got my Zen back on and decided that since my anchor line had snapped and I was now adrift, I might as well hoist the sails, things have gotten easier for me.

It'll be a few weeks before I'm likely to get around to another post, since I have a lot of packing a moving to do, but I'll be back.

Heck-- I haven't even put up the Durango ride yet, have I?